


Tell me how to fix this.

by drjekyllandmrhyde10



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-13 18:58:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11191350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drjekyllandmrhyde10/pseuds/drjekyllandmrhyde10
Summary: What happened right after Valentine and Magnus switched back.





	Tell me how to fix this.

**Author's Note:**

> I was so excited to read those aftermaths right after 2x12 got released. I thought my own will never be on par with the other fics so I will write the in between part when Clary portalled back the right Valentine and left the loft.

Alec hurriedly knelt down to Magnus who was still sprawled on the carpet after Valentine pushed him while trying to escape. The warlock was staring at the long gone portal, mouth agape with eyes filled with confusion and one that Alec terribly dreaded, fear.

Magnus, after realizing that he was back in his own body sat on his legs and looked at his hands. They were shaking. But they looked the same to him though. His rings were on the rightful places, the nail polish was a little bit chip on the edges but still black just like what he chose in honor of summoning a greater demon. Gone were the wrinkled and callused hands bound in chains. Gone were the rune marked in his arm---in Valentine's arm.

Magnus sighed and run his still trembling hand in his hair. It was still styled the usual. It was like the last 48 hours didn't happen. Or in his case, hoped didn't happen.

If there's one thing Valentine did good while in his body was he didn't change anything. Magnus almost snickered; only him would think how he'd look after he was back to himself. Like body-switching was a hobby of his.

He was startled and flinched away when he felt a touch. A glimpse of strong hands flickered in his eyes and he raised his head, the panic rising in his throat like bile.

It was Alexander. _His_ Alexander.

Or was he really?

Magnus shook his head, stopping himself to think. He shouldn't be thinking about _that_. He needed to be reasonable, understanding.

But he was _so_  tired.

Magnus felt those hands softly touched his arms and lifted him up. With shaking legs, he let Alec handle him. Magnus could feel that anytime now he'd collapse and back to his body or not, his pride won't allow it.

They both turned around when they heard a sound at Magnus' bedroom. Jace stopped in his tracks when he realized that danger had passed. His hands were no longer bound and gold flecks still adored his eyes. He opened his eyes but Magnus saw how it flickered on top of his head and the Nephilim shut his mouth.

Good. Magnus was not in the mood to talk anymore.

He pulled himself away from Alec. He needed to wash his face, the last two days of not taking a bath was starting to irritate him.

And he needed to divert his attention. So many things were running in his head, he felt like his magic vibrating inside him. He might turn everyone he saw into flamingos if he didn't calm down.

Without looking at anyone, he slowly walked inside his bedroom. One look at Jace made the man sprinting outside. He softly closed the door.

* * *

Alec sighed in defeat once Magnus shut himself in his room. He felt two sets of eyes boring holes in him. With another frustrated sigh, he turned to Jace.

"We're fine here. You can both go now. I-I'll take care of Magnus."

Jace nodded in understanding or probably trying to escape the awkwardness of the situation. Whatever it was, Alec didn't care.

Alec saw Sebastian and Jace walked towards the main door together. He remembered to express his gratitude to the other Shadowhunter. The intel he provided definitely help him--them--to defeat Azazel. He'd do that later.

His main priority now was Magnus. Who locked himself in the room. Or probably locked himself from Alec. The thought left an aching twinge in his heart and a bad taste in his mouth.

Jace looked at him again, nodded then slowly closed the door.

* * *

Magnus snapped his fingers and blue sparks of magic started to come out like flames. It slowly moved between his fingers like tongue of fire, burning him. He didn't mind the heat, it made him feel something. The rollercoaster he experienced earlier made him numb.

His mind was running a mile a minute. Memories were starting to resurface, like short clips of black and white film he watched back in the 60s. Compared to when the rune was used on him, his mind was giving him snippets of his past. Like watching himself relieved his own life.

Magnus closed his eyes, visions starting to fill them. He saw himself shouting, he saw himself looking at a woman dressed in brown, which he knew was white before dirt started to cake it, he saw himself knelt down at the body and shook it; still shouting.

"Mama! Mama! Mama!"

Magnus gasped, opening his eyes. He found himself kneeling down at the bathroom floor, the cold tiles seeping in his pants and hurting his knees. He looked around, confused where he was, trying to find the stack of hays laying at the right corner of their barn, the toy truck he had in his hand before he threw it away to run to his mother.

His mother! He looked down at his trembling hands. They were covered in blood!

And he was back to his memories again. He saw the pale woman sprawled near him. Blood trickled her mouth, eyes looked blankly at him.

"Mama...?" Magnus whispered and he heard his present self. It was no longer him as a child but _him._  The one that tried his best for centuries to forget this...this memory! The one that pushed himself to be the best to cover the traumatizing past he had as a child.

The one that became the High Warlock of Brooklyn because he was powerful. Powerful enough to forget his mother. His step-father. The life before the glitters and the glamour.

Magnus knew whatever he was seeing now were all memories. And so he snickered, a dry laugh that scratched his already aching throat.

"After all this time, with just a drawing of rune in my arm, with just a flick of a finger of a demon, you came back to haunt me again." Magnus touched the pale face. The desire to caress it filled him.

He missed his mother _so_ much.

"I have a good life now Mama. I am the High Warlock of Brooklyn. Almost all of my kind come to me for help. My kind Mama. Those kind that you and father despised. Those that you considered as _the_ devil." Magnus sarcastically laughed again. "I am powerful. I am strong. If I was successful to put you to the deepest recess of my mind, I can do it again. So many people needed me now Mama." A single tear run down Magnus' face. "I have Alexander." Another tear rolled down. "I have a _life_." Magnus pulled himself up, gently laying down the dead body away from him. He stood up and cleared his throat. "I am alive and powerful. And you're not. I will do my damnest to push you away again." Magnus looked around, seeing their old barn and the keris lying down beside his mother.

He stared down again at the body. And Magnus smiled tenderly. He loved remembering people he met and loved before. It was one of his past time, knowing the pain and the joy of remembering them was good for him. His memories kept him grounded.

But this particular one had never been his favorite. "I will keep you again where you belong Mama." Magnus closed his eyes and snapped his fingers.

And he was back inside his bathroom. He was standing in front of the mirror and as he saw his reflection, he realized that his glamour dropped. Staring back at him was his golden cat-eyes. The usual playfulness reflecting in them were gone. The light that sparkled and gave color in his eyes were now dimmed. They were filled with sadness, anguish. Fear.

The darkness was back. The emptiness was there, welcoming his soul. The real warlock mark that drove his mother to kill herself.

Magnus leaned down at the sink, taking deep breaths to calm the emotions raging inside him. He was so tired.

All he wanted, just for a moment, to stop. In everything. His mind, his heart, his body. He just wanted to lie down, be still and let everything else happened without him in it.  
But he also wanted to go outside, see the damage done in his loft. Do an inventory. Check his personal things that Valentine touched. Remove anything that the Shadowhunter soiled.

Magnus looked at himself again at the mirror. If he go outside now, Alec would be there. He was sure that the young Nephilim would be cleaning, probably sweeping the floor or fixing the throw pillows. He smirked to himself; finding the irony to be sarcastically funny. At least between the two of them, one of them knew the other.

He was hurt alright. Down to the core if he'd be honest to himself. But he couldn't blame Alec. It was too farfetched for Shadowhunters to believe the capacity of magic. Or a curse. They won't simply believe in switches. They see Valentine, they'd believe it was Valentine. The man was a killer, liar, manipulator. No one would believe that he was Magnus Bane all of a sudden. Shadowhunters were careful.

And Magnus experienced that. The torture was unbelievable. He couldn't fathom how could those people with angel's blood in them create such rune. It was demonic. He'd crossed paths with Shadowhunters his entire life and some Nephilims made him believe that there was good in them. What happened to him, what they did to him made the seed of doubt blossom again in his heart.

What's more painful was he fell in love with one of them.

Alexander...

Magnus sighed in defeat. There's nothing he could do. What's done was done. What they did to him was traumatizing; he wouldn't know how he could move on from that immediately. To be honest, he wanted to stay away from the Shadowhunters' business again. But of course, he knew that he couldn't. His love for Alexander exceeded his selfish want to stay away. He couldn't imagine his life now without the young Nephilim. What happened to him was unbearable but knowing that Alexander would stay beside him made the burden a little bit lighter.

It was a long run, being fine after what he just went throught. But Magnus was more than willing to try. The recovery won't be easy; he might avoid or hurt other people in the process. But he needed to do it. He survived before, he could do it again.

Feeling exhausted but hopeful, Magnus washed his hands; glad that they were no longer shaking. It was a start---a good one. He opened the door to his bedroom and heared soft clinks of glasses at the living room.

**Author's Note:**

> All mistakes are legit. But still, let me know what you think!


End file.
